Expectations

I just turned 30. And I'm not sure at which point in my life that my expectations about turning 30 arose. In fact, I felt certain that I would avoid any concerns or mis-concerns about this birthday altogether. However, I knew I was in for it when I turned 29 and consciously visited the idea that this would be my last year in my 20s! Oh, the agony that I made myself suffer. Oh, the dread of feeling old. Oh, the reality of mortality. And oh, what have I done with the past 30 years and what will I accomplish in the next. . . My life is most certainly over. . . Though I cannot actually answer any of these thoughts with a legitimacy I find worthy of writing, I can say that turning 30 wasn't so bad! I didn't gain 50 lbs over night. I didn't break out into lines all over my cheeks and I actually did smile for a lot of really good reasons. Even though I tried to disappear all morning long, and consequently forced my family to leave me messages (to which I absolutely cherish and am now so thankful they are recorded), I did venture out to a park with a good friend who brought a gift and allowed my children a lot of fun for a morning. Upon returning home I sulked for a couple hours until Max in desperation needed me to open my gift. It was perfect. A book. Persuasion by Jane Austen. Not only is this my Jane Austen summer and that I just picked up Persuasion from the library, but this book is about blossoming a little later in life. What a perfect start. After I cried and thanked my friend and Max sat in bewilderment that I would cry over a gift I said made me so happy, I picked myself up and realized that Hey, this is a great day! It's the day I was born and if I created an expectation to only cause discouragement, then I better learn something quickly and start to act my age! I did. And the day only became better and better. Max caught on quickly as to what was happening and brought me a fantastic picture and a wad of cut up string. He declared, "Mom, I made you a birthday gift. A picture, and your own string so you can make your own spider web!" Then with the end of the work day Mike treated me to a fantastic date including, a stroll down Park Ave, great spontaneous dinner, another blessed book, lots of laughter, more surprises and calls from family and friends and the only thing I ever suffered was a sick stomach from all the cake and fun. In the end, the best thing that happened that I far from ever expected was a tremendous amount of relief. It brought an excitement which I never thought would happen and a profound depth of gratitude that I was born and get to yet have a chance at a little more life. And if with that extra life I am blessed with inches or lines I am confident that they will only be evidence of a life well lived. And that's exactly what I expect to do. LIVE